Happy 2nd Birthday to Ruby

Wow, I cannot believe Ruby is 2 years old today.

It seems like just yesterday I was pregnant with her and yet it seems like an eternity since I was able to hold her.

My heart still aches the same as it did the day she left us.

I think it will still ache the same even on her 22nd birthday.

I do still feel her presence near though.

Luke had a dream about her a week ago.

He has never told me about any other dreams he has had, but he paused his morning cartoon to tell me about this particular dream.

Of course I started crying as he was telling me the details.

Then the other day in the car Luke said, mom, Ruby really misses Hank.

I’m sure she does miss Hank.

She sure sent us a sweet brother.

I just wish she was here so I could see the relationship between the three of them.

Sometimes I don’t know what to say about losing her.

This time of year I can feel my emotions right on the surface as I await her birthday.

It’s such a bittersweet time for me.

I want her birthday to be a happy time, a celebration of all the love and goodness she brought with her in just a short amount of time.

However, each birthday marks another year that I have been away from my only daughter.

It can be gut-wrenching to think about some days.

To be honest I have mostly been staring at the computer screen, sobbing, trying to put into words how I feel.

One of my dearest high school friends sent me a message the other day.

It went like this:

Last night I couldn't sleep and I was thinking about Ruby. As I laid there these words just kept coming to me so I wanted to share it with you:

For Ruby June

I wonder where you are tonight,
Is there someone there to hold you tight?
I wonder how you'll come to know,
How to laugh, love and grow.
When I look at the stars
I think of you, I wonder if you miss me too.
Will you remember time you spent with me,
I love you more than you'll ever see
When these feelings become too much,
I feel His love around me touch.
I no longer wonder where you'll be
You're with the One who created me.
He'll keep you safe , until I'm there,
And bear my burdens I cannot bare.
For He knows my sorrow when I feel alone,
He lost his life behind that stone.
When the road is hard and lonely,
I lean on Him to help me see
My child's with Him in a better place,
Filled with love, peace, and grace.
He is the One holding you tight,
He'll show you happiness, truth and light.
I'll think about you everyday,
For now in His loving arms you'll stay.

Sometimes when we are at a loss for words, friends step in to help us out.

Thank you Karyn for putting into words what I couldn’t.

(She says she doesn’t write poetry, but I beg to differ)

Thank you Ruby for teaching me so much.

We love and miss you more than anyone could understand.

Please watch over us and stay close by.

Happy birthday baby girl.

 

If you are new to my blog you can read more about Ruby’s story here.