Pennies from Heaven

My grandparents play a card game they call pennies from heaven.

Whenever I hear them talking about it I giggle a little because it is the funniest name for a card game.

It has nothing to do with pennies.

The last couple of weeks have been a little bit of a struggle for me.

It is the first time I have felt the peace and comfort I received after Ruby’s passing a little distant.

I find myself lying awake at night replaying all the events leading up to her death.

I catch myself all day thinking about how life would be different if she were here.

I have an ache whenever I look at her empty crib, when I see a baby that is her age or get coupons in the mail for formula.

I get sick thinking about giving away the baby girl clothes I have even though they weren’t mine/hers to begin with. They were all borrowed.

I am so confused about the idea of having more children because when it comes down to it, all I want is her.

Lately, I have just been sad, confused, torn, and hurt.

My grandpa passed away 4 days before Ruby did.

I call my grandma whenever I just need to talk about the hurt because she knows the feeling all too well.

One day she told me a story about my grandpa.

She said he would ALWAYS pick up pennies that he would find lying around.

He would curse the younger generation for throwing them into the street and not realizing the value of the penny.

He picked them up because he thought they brought good luck.

“See a penny, pick it up, all day long, you’ll have good luck”

Some days he would tell my grandma it’s your turn to pick up this penny, you need the luck today.

After he passed away there have been several instances where a penny will show up for my grandma to find.

One time was right after cleaning and vacuuming her whole house. After she was done she noticed a penny right by the coffee table in the middle of the floor.

Another time was when she was getting his truck ready to sell, she found a penny on his side of the truck.

She told me whenever I see a penny I need to pick it up because that is his way of saying he is near by.

I believe it.

These past couple weeks have been hard and I have been trying to feel the peace and comfort I need.

My grandpa has been watching over me.

Two weeks ago when I was at the mall just before getting on the escalator I saw a penny, but because I was trying to keep Luke from falling I didn’t pick it up.

On the way out to the car I saw another one.

It was my grandpa’s way of saying, ok, I will give you one more chance to pick this up.

And so I did.

And it brought me a little comfort.

About a week later I walked down the street to get my mail and in the middle of the road was a penny.

I picked this one up the first time.

Again, it made me think of my grandpa and all the people that love and care about me.

I know he is watching over me.

I recognize the value of a penny.

I can appreciate the phrase pennies from heaven, even if it is just a silly card game.

Because when it comes down to it, it has nothing to do with pennies.