Grandpa

It was October 22, 2011, my mom and older sister, Andrea, were in town helping me take care of Luke while I was taking care of Ruby.

They were both a huge help and it was nice to have family around during our short time with Ruby.

The 22nd was a Saturday and me, my mom, and sister had picked up lunch and brought it back to the house.

We had just sat down to eat (including Jared) when my sister got a phone call.

We get horrible AT&T reception at our house so she stepped outside on the back patio to take the call.

When she came back in, she was white as a ghost, tears were in her eyes, and she handed the phone to my mom who then stepped outside too.

I got the “my stomach is churning because something is wrong” type of feeling.

I asked Andrea what was going on.

She said that was dad calling to tell us that Grandpa had passed away.

Just then, I heard my mom sobbing.

I don’t see my mom  upset very often.

She is a really easy going, mellow mother.

I can remember every time I have seen her cry.

In fact, I wish I was like her with my emotions, but instead I take after my dad and the tears flow freely.

Hearing that my grandpa (my mom’s dad) had just passed away was very unexpected and I knew my whole family would be taking his loss pretty hard.

He had been sick for some time with end stage renal disease and needed dialysis, but he had been doing well for quite some time.

Immediately, I thought about my grandma.

I ached for her.

I wanted to be there, but I needed to be here.

My heart was torn.

My mom left the next day and my sister left a couple days later to prepare for the funeral.

The day before Ruby passed away was an extremely hard day.

I knew that we probably had only one more day with her and I didn’t know how I was going to let her go.

My mom called me that night when we got home from visiting her at the hospital.

She relayed a personal story that my aunt had wanted me to know about.

This was my confirmation that I knew Ruby would be alright and so would I.

I knew without a doubt that my grandpa would take care of Ruby for me.

I needed to hear that in order to let her go.

It was hard.

It’s still hard.

I miss both of them terribly.

I talked to my grandma yesterday and I just can’t help but cry with her.

I have felt a brief stint of loneliness after my divorce, but I can’t comprehend her degree of loneliness.

My grandpa’s funeral was on October 27th, one day after Ruby had passed away.

Since I couldn’t attend his funeral my sister read a little tribute to him from me:

I am going to be a little selfish in my tribute to my grandpa today. I have had many wonderful memories with my grandpa, ones that I will never forget. I am so grateful that we were able to live so close to him for awhile so myself, and my son, Luke could visit often. Luke had a special connection with him and always wondered where Papa was when he wasn’t sitting in his recliner.

However, the image that has been on my mind is that of him welcoming my sweet daughter, Ruby June, to heaven just yesterday. How comforting it has been for me to know that he was there with open arms.

Grandpa, you will be deeply missed by many. Thank you for always making me laugh and smile. Take good care of my little girl for me until I can see you both again.

(photos taken by Andrea Swenson Photography)