Trying to keep perspective

We are back in Las Vegas and I had almost forgot how hot it was here.

We were wearing cardigans and boots while out in PA and the change was quite nice.

We spent the remainder of our trip visiting fun places in York.

We took the kids to this cute farm where they loved seeing all the animals.

 
 


 

My sister also took us to a bunch of fun shops specific to York.

My suitcase was full of stuff that it was actually over the bag check limit. (Whoops!)

The plane trip home was exhausting, but Luke did well.

Besides the guy sitting next to us picking his nose the whole time, there weren’t too many disasters.

By the time we got home Luke crashed and I was mentally and physically exhausted I couldn’t think straight.

I felt like I had sat through 8 hours of a church service trying to keep a 2 year old quiet and in his seat changing activities every 10 minutes to keep him busy.

I skipped dinner and went straight to bed.

It’s nice to be home.

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Luke is my spirited, feisty, determined child and sometimes that is a good thing and sometimes it leaves me throwing my hands in the air.

Luke and I experience one of 3 kind of days:

#1 Luke is being a pill, but I am being level-headed. I go with the flow and understand that this is his temperament and how he responds to things.

#2 Luke is being a pill and I am frustrated. I take it personally that he isn’t listening to me and being defiant. I can feel my blood pressure rising all day and my patience stick is short. Both of us spend most the day in tears.

#3 Luke is being his fun-loving self and I take advantage. We get along all day and I get lots of loves. He listens to me and we have an understanding. I go to bed thinking of how great my day was. These days are the BEST!

Unfortunately, there were a couple days on our trip that fell into the #2 category. My sisters got to experience it and I spent my time crying and confused.

I become a little irrational during this time and it just takes a toll on my soul.

It’s hard to keep my perspective in the midst of these days.

I wonder how I am ever going to raise other children if I can’t even manage the one I have.

One day in particular we had to leave the farm (pictured above) early because Luke wasn’t listening to me, telling me NO non-stop and throwing tantrums. 

We left the farm and went to lunch and had to leave because of the kicking and screaming fit he was throwing in the restaurant.

That night I had to leave the ice cream shop and sit in the car with him while everyone else ate ice cream because he wasn’t listening to me, telling me NO and running off.

It was a fun day.

Motherhood is hard.

Period.

My motherhood experience isn’t what I thought it was going to be.

I have one child that is so spirited and strong-willed that I am left completely exhausted by the end of the day wondering if I am doing right by him and another child that I mourn and cry over every day because she isn’t with me.

I knew Luke was going to give me a run for my money since day one.

He came to the world bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

He didn’t let us sleep for 3 days straight. When people told me be prepared for no sleep, I didn’t think they literally meant NO SLEEP.

I wasn’t expecting a child that was so particular about the way I arranged the food on his plate, the order in which I get him dressed, or having meltdowns over craft projects because I mixed the colors.

His personality and temperament are nothing what I expected, but it is probably everything I need in my life.

Just because he isn’t what I expected doesn’t mean he doesn’t exceed my expectations.

Motherhood looks something different to everyone. I am coming to accept that this is what motherhood looks like to me.

I love this little boy with all my heart and we will figure this out together.

And when we have those #3 days it makes all the tears and frustration worth it.