Happy 11 months to Miss Ruby.
I cannot believe it has already been 11 months.
I am sure I would be saying this even if she were here.
I received this plant at Ruby’s funeral from my brother & sister-in-law.
I have been able to keep it alive (which is quite surprising) and every time I look at it I am reminded of Ruby.
It will be interesting to see how long I can keep it with us.
I can’t believe we will be approaching her 1st birthday next month.
I have some good things planned that I think will be a great way to celebrate Ruby.
We will be heading to Utah that weekend and I will finally get to see her headstone.
Speaking of headstone, I had a small big panic attack on Sunday over her headstone.
It all started when I was moving pictures over to our hard drive and came across all the sketches I had made for it.
I started to second guess myself about whether or not I picked the right design and phrase.
We had changed the saying at the last minute because we felt it fit with the design better.
As I was looking at the scripture, Proverbs 3:15, I got this panicked feeling that the scripture should be on there.
Now, why in the world would I worry over this because it can’t be changed now?
It is a done deal and yet I fretted about it all day.
I realized I was doing this because Ruby is perfect and I want everything surrounding her to be perfect as well.
I know you are reading this shaking your head and thinking I am a basket case.
I already know this.
Someone people help me???
Teach me how to stop worrying over things I can’t control.
I even had to text my mom to have her reassure me that it was perfect.
That’s what moms are for, right?
After I came to my senses I realized that her headstone is perfect and no matter what saying/design I have on it, it would work for her.
*****************************************************************************************************
I debated whether or not to write this because it is such a trivial thing, but it has been festering inside of me all morning and I need to just let it out so I can feel better.
It’s another one of those “worrying over things I can’t control” moments.
This morning I took Luke to story time at the library.
When we first got there Luke ran over to the table where the puzzles were while I waited in line for passes.
When I looked over to check on Luke, he was playing tug of war with another little boy over Buzz Lightyear books.
I guess this little boy was playing puzzles too and had set these books down on the table.
Luke cannot resist anything Buzz so when he took them the fight began.
The other mother was right there and tried to break it up, but both boys had a tight grip.
When I saw what was happening I ran over and grabbed Luke.
The other mother took her little boy, the books, gave me a glare, and huffed and puffed away.
I was a little dumbfounded at first, but hurried and walked over to where she was sitting and said, “I am sorry he tried to take the books.”
Without looking at me she said, “It’s fine.”
I wasn’t really satisfied with that response so I said, “I came over as soon as I saw what was happening.”
Finally looking at me, “It’s fine, he was just REALLY aggressive.”
I was a little taken back by the response again, but I said, “I know, that’s why we came to apologize.”
I had Luke say sorry also and when they said nothing in return we walked away.
I was left with a sick feeling in my stomach.
Now I know Luke was wrong to take his books, however, as one mother to another I guess I thought I would get a little more understanding.
Maybe I am wrong to think that, but after all they are 2 year olds.
Things like this are bound to happen and if you think otherwise you are living in dreamland.
Her response made me feel like what Luke did was the worst thing someone could have done to her son.
I am 100% sure there have been times where her son was “the aggressive one”.
I am hard on myself as a mother, probably harder than I should be so to have someone’s body language and lack of words imply I am not parenting right, stung.
Now I know I am in the wrong too for letting something SO SMALL ruin my morning, but it did.
I can’t control her response and yet I sat and worried over it.
I felt a little better as I watched her try and wrangle her son to sit down and be quiet during story time, while Luke sat, watched, and participated.
I guess this experience taught me that if we were all a little kinder, gave people the benefit of the doubt, it could make people’s lives a little easier.
I like the quote by Plato:
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
This past weekend I received news of another high school friend that passed away.
We hung out in the same crowd and he was such a great guy.
His funeral is today and my mind has been occupied with thoughts of what had happened in his life that he decided he didn’t want to be here anymore.
I am deeply saddened for his family and hope they will find the peace and comfort they need during this time of mourning.
*****************************************************************************************
While typing this I got a text from a friend that will be watching Luke tomorrow.
She said, “We love having Luke over.”
Kind words, you see, that is all it takes to change someone’s day.
And that text just changed my day for the better.
Dont ya just love the kinds words? Especially after a really hard day!! I think your a great mom! I cant believe its almost been a year either. Im sure your plans will turn out AMAZING!
ReplyDeleteHappy Ruby Day. :) Good work keeping that plant looking so good! It seems totally reasonable to me that you had a freak-out about her grave marker. After seeing how beautifully Ruby's turned it, I have been thinking that maybe I would like to re-do Keegan's. Probably not an option right now, but I'm like, 'Dangit! Why didn't I do something more thoughtful or at least choose a font I actually liked?!' Sigh. Maybe in a couple years. And I may or may not have had a minor meltdown one time when we visited his grave and there was bird poo on it. ;)
ReplyDeleteAnd what the heck was the deal with ornery mom? Glad your day turned around with kind words, though.
I like to think that all moms think like me. My kid has meltdowns, and it's out of my control.I like to think us moms can look at each other and think we have all been there and I understand. Then I realized not all moms think like me. Once I was at the pool and heard one mom complain for 30 min (no lie) about other moms and their kids while she was at the park or story time. It made me so mad. We are all just trying to do the best we can. And you never know what someone is going through so always try and give the benefit of the doubt. Sorry that happened to you. I totally get it.
ReplyDeleteI like the quote, and yes we never now what someone else is going through, we all should remember that and be kinder! Hope she realizes that one day!
ReplyDeleteI can't believe that other mom! Look, I have a very spirited 3 year old and there are so many times that it's my son that's acting out; and there are other times when he's the one getting the brunt from another kiddo. But here's the thing, if it's not your kid doing something this time? He will be next time! It ALL goes around! I agree with Stephanie that as moms we are so much harder on ourselves that we don't need to give a dirty side-eye or remark to anyone else. We are all in this together! ESPECIALLY when they are still this young and learning! So what if they were arguing over a toy; he didn't throw a brick at his head! You, the mom, addressed it and it should have been left at that. OK, sorry. I'm getting all worked up over here! Judgey moms really make me ticked.
ReplyDeletethat silly mother. if only she knew how wonderful Luke is, and what a great mother you are. It's her loss. Just remember that you did what you could to make it right. I have a hard time letting go of those things too. I think we all need to remember that no mom has not had moments when we are not proud of how our kids behaved. That is why they are kids. He is two, and it gave you an opportunity to teach him. Shame on her for thinking that her kid is perfect.
ReplyDeleteThe headstone is perfect. We have the proverbs 3:15 on our braclets to remind us.
I love her headstone, but I completely understand what you mean. Maybe it will be like a name. You choose it and aren't 100% with it, but after awhile it just fits so perfectly and you can't imagine it any other way. I can't believe that other mom. I wonder if she has any friends. That's what I would think to make myself feel better... "Poor thing, she probably has no friends if she is always like this." She totally didn't let her kid experience what it means to be in a problem and have it resolved. It takes two... she should have totally had him forgive Luke. You are a wonderful mom and I can tell how much you do to teach Luke. So good job for having him walk over and apologize. :)
ReplyDeleteI have one plant still...crossing my fingers it will last. I love it. We had the same experience at Lagoon this summer where Brigs was "attacking" a child. It isn't like I teach him that or was condoning the behavior so in a sincere apology why still be so harsh? Weird. I feel like when peoples kids do things to mine I give them the benefit of the doubt in thinking, my kid could do the same thing. People.
ReplyDelete