My Journey to Motherhood

We had decided it was time to have a baby.

I had graduated from college and we were moving on to the next phase of our lives.

I felt like it was the right time and I was so excited.

I went to the Dr. for my yearly appointment and felt prepared with our decision.

After a couple months and no baby I was still feeling optimistic.

By about the eighth month I started getting a little worried.

After a year had gone by I started doubting my body.

Getting pregnant began to consume me.

I would log on to babycenter.com daily to check ovulation dates, due dates, studies, advice, forums, etc.

I started taking herbal supplements and checked my temperature with  basal thermometer every morning.

I would track everything on charts.

I bought every ovulation and pregnancy test out there.

We started seeing a fertility specialist about this point to see what was going wrong.

Many test were done, most of them very uncomfortable and invasive, but we were willing to do anything.

Not a whole lot of answers came, but they were able to rule some things out.

Pretty much it became a waiting game, trying to decide what to do.

All I wanted and hoped for was to become pregnant.

It was heartbreaking month after month.

I was ready to be a mother and I was wondering why I wasn’t being blessed with this opportunity.

Then I found out the reason.

Timing.

It wasn’t the right time for me.

You see, what I thought was a very big trial in my life at that time turned into a very big blessing in the long run.

I was married to my first husband during this time.

We were married for 6 & 1/2 years and tried having a child the last couple of years.

When everything came crumbling down and we decided to divorce, I hit the floor as fast as I could and thanked my Father in Heaven for NOT blessing us with children.

It seemed weird to do this since everyday I had been praying to be blessed with a child, but I could instantly see that he was watching over me.

I know my life would be VERY different right now if we would have had children together. It wouldn’t be a life I would want.  I would probably still be living in San Diego trying to share custody and co-parent with someone I wasn’t married to. Chances are I wouldn’t be married to Jared, either.

I am so grateful there were no children in my life at that time to experience divorce and we were able to walk away without any ties to each other.

About a year after our divorce, my ex-husband’s new wife became pregnant.

To be honest, this was not news that I wanted to hear.

If he was able to get her pregnant, then it probably meant I was the reason for our infertility.

Soon after I married Jared we talked about starting our family.

We were both older and ready to begin this chapter together.

I was also very worried about how long it might take us to have a baby based on everything I had just experienced.

One year after we got married we welcome Luke Owen into our family and we haven’t been the same since.

Seeing that positive pregnancy test was quite an emotional experience.

Motherhood has changed me in ways I never thought possible.

Two years after having Luke we welcome our baby girl, Ruby, and I was changed once again.

This time I am learning to be a mother to an angel.

It is a very different experience.

I know I will get to raise her eventually.

I am so grateful motherhood finally came to me. 

Luke was definitely worth the wait and I know Ruby will be too.

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I was very spoiled this past Mother’s Day.

Here is what my day consisted of:

Sleeping in

Breakfast in bed

Lilies from my friend, BreighAn

Homemade card from Luke

Luke yelling surprise all throughout the day

A Nothing Bundt Cake (my favorite) from my ward at church

An afternoon nap

The Silhouette Cameo (I am SO excited about this)

and spending the day with my family

It was a very reflective day and I felt extremely blessed.

I hope you all felt the love on Mother’s Day too!