Motherhood & me

I am currently reading a book called “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother”.

It is a book about how Chinese parents raise their children as opposed to Westerners.

It’s quite an interesting read and has got me pondering my own parenting style.

Like most parents, I have high hopes for Luke.

I want him to develop into the best man he can be.

I want him to have a little of myself and a little of Jared in him.

I also want him to have a lot of what Jared and I don’t have, but wish we did.

I want him to be kind & generous

Giving & thoughtful

Confident yet humble

Adventurous & a little daring

Funny & witty (but not at the expense of others)

Smart & capable

Hard working & fun

Courageous & brave

Outgoing & friendly

Respectful & genuine

Cultured & accepting

This list could go on.

Even with the things listed above, it is a tall order.

Before I became a mother I thought I knew a little about what parenting entailed.

I thought I was ready for it.

I had visions of all the things I would teach and do with them.

After I became a mother, I learned very quickly I knew nothing about parenting.

Luke is his own person with a very distinct personality much different from my own or Jared’s.

He came with his own agenda.

He taught me this on day 7 of his life when he went on a nursing strike.

I tried everything to get him to nurse, but to no avail.

He taught me right there who was in charge.

Even if you are a parent that thinks they have it all figured out, the guilt alone will eventually eat you up.

{I let him have two pieces of candy, his teeth are going to fall out.}

{He watched that movie twice today, his brain is going to be mush.}

{Am I reading to him enough?}

{Shouldn’t he know how to write him name by now?}

{Am I spending enough time playing with him?}

{Is he going to resent me because I can’t hold him while making dinner?}

Again, another list that could go on.

When I was doing my student teaching back in the day I remember my cooperating teacher telling me that I was a much stricter teacher than she was.

As I thought about this comment, I realized I was.

Maybe it was because I was afraid they would walk all over me if I wasn’t.

Or maybe it was the fact that I just like silence. Side conversations drive me nuts.

I didn’t think I would be a strict teacher, but in fact I was very strict.

I thought this would translate into how I parent.

As I have been reading this book, I wonder how this woman is so diligent in getting her children to practice piano/violin for 5-6 hours. Especially when they are so young.

What’s the secret to obedience?

I have a long list of things I want to teach Luke and yet I can’t even potty train him.

Today at his Gymboree class he was the only one running around not listening to the teacher.

Not even his own mother could get him to sit down and listen.

After class we went to playgroup where we had to leave early because he wouldn’t stop screaming and taking toys.

I don’t think my strict teaching has transfer over into my parenting style.

In fact, I believe my parenting style is more passive (except for my strict bedtime & nap schedules).

During parachute time today as all the kids sat under it while the parents lifted it up and down, Luke and another little boy started fighting over a ball. I saw it, but decided not to stop it this time.   When the parachute was lifted back up they had worked it out.

When Luke is crying or whining for no reason I make him sit on the stairs and cry there until HE decides he is done.

Sometimes he is done after 15 seconds, sometimes it is 15 minutes.

I believe I am more of a passive parent because that is what works for Luke.

Luke’s personality is uptight and stubborn (this is a personality trait he got from me)  that I balance it by trying to be the more relaxed one.

With my other children it may be different. I may be the strict mother like in the book who makes them take 100 different math practice tests til they get it right.

I really liked this blog post talking about being a passive parent. It’s a good read.

In the end I want my children to be everything that is good in this world.

I hope they will leave my home with fond memories and values.

My hope  is that I am making a difference no matter what my parenting style.

I will try my best to nurture their natural personality into something wonderful.

Most of all I want my children to know that I love them, I loved them before I was ever pregnant with them.

And when Luke says please or thank you without being reminded he gives me a little hope in my parenting abilities.