Worry

When I was single back in the say, my home teachers came over to give me and my roommates a quick visit.

They asked how we were doing and then gave a quick message.

The message was on worry.

One of the teachers explained the difference between worry and concern.

He said something like this:

When you worry you are "worrying" about something that may never happen, something that you can’t fix or change, or something that you don’t know and can’t help the outcome to.

Concern is when you are concerned about something that is a pressing issue that needs to be handled, or can be fixed or solved.

He said we need to stop worrying about things we can’t control.

I have thought a lot about that lesson over the years and even though I know worrying is not good and doesn’t accomplish anything, guess what?

I still worry.

And not just a little…

A LOT.

If I were having a job interview and they asked me what one of my weaknesses is, I would do what everyone else does and twist a strength into a weakness saying something like: Well, I am a little too detail oriented or I am a perfectionist when working on projects.

But I were to tell the truth about a real weakness of mine it would be hands down: WORRY.

I believe I have dealt with this my whole life, but it seems like the last few years it has gotten worse.

Maybe it is some of my life experiences that has made it worse these past few years or maybe it’s because I haven’t learn to deal with it properly.

If I have a few things swimming around in my brain that I am worrying about and then one more thing comes out of the blue and is piled on top, I lose it.

It becomes consuming and debilitating.

This may sound so strange to some of you, but it is true.

I start to shut down with worry.

I know I am losing years off my life because I worry so much.

I worry about things that will eventually be checked off my list as taken care of, but I also have things floating around in my brain that can never be measured or checked off a list.

The worry I carry as a wife, a mother,  our financial responsibilities, health concerns, and situation of others.

You know the phrase, don’t worry yourself sick?

Well that’s me. I worry myself sick.

Yep, even become nauseated over some things.

I had one of these worry weeks this past week, hence the lack of posting.

My mind was consumed with other things.

Things that aren’t even important enough to list on here (it would probably make me more crazy to list out my worries anyway).

And no matter how many times I tell myself everything will be okay, everything will eventually work out (because I know it always does), it doesn’t stop the worrying right away.

It usually takes a couple days to reassure myself that the world isn’t against me and just because a couple things have gone wrong doesn’t mean everything in my life is wrong.

In fact, most things in my life are right.

Especially my husband who doesn’t try and fix me when I am going through my worry days.

All he does is tells me he loves me and I feel that he truly does.

Sometimes it takes watching a couple episodes of Ellen where she tells stories of people who are far less fortunate than me but have a way better attitude.

Sometimes it takes a couple conference talks to snap me out of it.

Other times it is talking to friends that are hurting and it helps with perspective.

Most the time it is just remembering all that I have and being grateful for it.

It doesn’t mean that these times aren’t hard on me and that it won’t happen again in a few months, but I am slowly trying to learn that worrying gets me no where.

It’s a hard lesson to learn, that’s for sure.

The thing that really “worries” me is that I can see Luke has inherited a little of this worrying trait but in a 3 year old type of way.

He becomes fixated on something to the point he can’t let it go.

Just tonight he was worried that we used the last paper towel and I didn’t put a new roll on. 

I am hoping I can find a way to cope with this just for the fact of helping Luke develop into a less crazy person than his mother.

I think we are always trying to better ourselves.

By acknowledging that this is getting worse I hope that I can change it and soon.

I want to let the worry go and only be left with concern. Concern for things that I have control of.

I have a lot to be thankful for and I truly, truly know that.

And a little pep talk for myself:

Have a great (and worry-free) weekend!