Perspective

Ruby June passed away on October 26, 2011.

After Ruby almost slipped away from us on the 25th we knew we didn’t have much more time with her.

We asked the hospital if they would be able to provide us with a private room.

One were we could hold her, take pictures of her, cry,  and be with her in private.

We arrived early on the 25th. It was cold and rainy as we drove to the hospital.

When we got there I was able to dress her in a beautiful white gown.

Jared was able to carry her down to our private room.

It was the first time we had been able to hold and walk with her.

Nancy Smith, a photographer,  who volunteers with Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep was there and immediately started taking pictures.

 

These pictures are absolutely priceless to me.

We were able to see Ruby for the first time without all the wires attached to her.

 

She was breathtaking.

I could see myself in her. I think she has my nose.

 

After all the pictures were taken, everyone left so we could finally be with our daughter by ourselves.

It was a very spiritual day.

Lots of prayers and blessings were offered.

Ruby hung onto life until about 1:30pm.

I can say it was definitely her spirit that we knew. Once her spirit was gone, I could feel it.

Out the window I could see the sun starting to shine and I knew she was happy.

She isn’t dealing with an imperfect body anymore, she is whole.

We were so glad that Ruby was able to spend her last day in our arms surrounded by peace and love.

How very softly
you tiptoed into my world.
Almost silently;
Only a moment you stayed.
But what an imprint
Your footprints have left
On our hearts.
--Author Unknown

*********************************************************************************

Every one has trials. Some people experience trials that are visible to other people. Some go through struggles that no one will ever know about.

Two of my trials have been ones that are visible:  my divorce and the passing of my daughter.

I don’t talk a lot about my 1st marriage or divorce on here, maybe it is because I don’t think it about it very much anymore.

It seems like a past life to me.

Even though these two trials are vastly different, they are similar in the fact that I was/am mourning the loss of someone close to me.

I hate to say this but I didn’t handle my divorce with much grace.

I was angry.

And well, devastated.

I felt very alone.

I had lost perspective.

However,  I was not alone. The Lord never abandoned me in my time of need.

In fact, he was with me through my whole marriage, always watching over me and blessing me.

As I look back over my marriage and divorce, I was blessed more than I ever could realize at the time.

I was married to my first husband for 6&1/2 years. We never had any children.

Can I tell you what a blessing this is?

Thank goodness for “unanswered prayers”.

Now I have the biggest blessings in my life: Jared, Luke and Ruby

I have a husband who supports me whole-heartedly in being a stay-at-home mom. He works very hard so I can be at home and still have all the things I want.

He has blessed me with 2 beautiful children.

I have never felt a greater connection to anyone as much I do with Jared.

My divorce taught me a lot of things about trials.

It was awful, but I have to say I would go through it all over again knowing this is where I would be in my life.

I also think my divorce taught me a lot about choice, attitude, faith and hope.

I saw this quote from President Uchtdorf on a friend’s blog today and I thought it was a perfect quote about hope:

“The adversary uses despair to bind hearts and minds in suffocating darkness. Despair drains from us all that is vibrant and joyful and leaves behind the empty remnants of what life was meant to be. Despair kills ambition, advances sickness, pollutes the soul, and deadens the heart. Despair can seem like a staircase that leads only and forever downward.

Hope, on the other hand, is like the beam of sunlight rising up and above the horizon of our present circumstances. It pierces the darkness with a brilliant dawn. It encourages and inspires us to place our trust in the loving care of an eternal Heavenly Father, who has prepared a way for those who seek for eternal truth in a world of relativism, confusion, and of fear.”

With the passing away of Ruby I am choosing to go through this differently.

I don’t want the anger.

The confusion and frustration.

I don’t want to question.

I choose to have hope.

To have faith.

This time around I choose not to be angry. I am choosing to look for the blessings. Ruby was only with me for 15 days, but I received more blessings in that short time than I ever knew possible.

A good friend of mine wrote this quote on a card for me while I was still pregnant with Ruby.

I have thought about it quite a bit through this whole thing:

When understanding fails us, faith must fill the void.

This is what I am trying to do.

This situation has been difficult, but I know the Lord is helping me.

I know that He knows me.

He knew that I need to be prepared ahead of time for this situation.

I fully believe that I had placenta previa so that I would have to have a 28 week ultrasound. It was at that appointment that we started to prepare ourselves for the difficulties ahead.

I know His hand was involved in that.

People ask me how I am doing and it is a hard question to answer.

I have good days and sad days.

Good memories and sad moments.

There are so many elements involved in how I am doing.

Am I sad?

Absolutely.

Do I miss Ruby?

Every moment of every day.

Am I devastated?

No.

There is still joy to be had in this life.

I am trying to keep things in perspective.

I love this video and hope it also brings you peace during your trials.