Oh Bells

I haven’t talked a whole lot about my bell’s palsy lately and I figured for record keeping sake I should give an update.

I can’t remember what I’ve shared and I what I haven’t so I’ll give an overview of everything.

First off, I still have it and probably always will.

Even though I have hoped and prayed I would be healed of this, it hasn’t happened (yet, my fingers are still crossed).

I know that there is a VERY good chance that I will have this the rest of my life.

However, I always think of this story from one of my favorite talks, Come What May and Love It, and it gives me hope and brings peace.

“One of our daughters, after giving birth to a baby, became seriously ill. We prayed for her, administered to her, and supported her as best we could. We hoped she would receive a blessing of healing, but days turned into months, and months turned into years. At one point I told her that this affliction might be something she would have to struggle with the rest of her life.

One morning I remember pulling out a small card and threading it through my typewriter. Among the words that I typed for her were these: “The simple secret is this: put your trust in the Lord, do your best, then leave the rest to Him.”

She did put her trust in God. But her affliction did not disappear. For years she suffered, but in due course, the Lord blessed her, and eventually she returned to health.

Knowing this daughter, I believe that even if she had never found relief, yet she would have trusted in her Heavenly Father and “[left] the rest to Him.”

I pray this will be me: that I will eventually return to health, but I’m trusting that the Lord knows what is best for me.

I have made a lot of improvement from the first onset a year and a half ago.

I feel like I’ve searched every avenue for treatment and help and I am so thankful for the progress that many have helped me make.

In the beginning I was told by the Neurologist to wait it out and that function in my face would eventually return.

I was put on prescription medication and I waited.

I thought I waited pretty patiently too, but after 4 months of NO improvement I was ready to seek out some help.

I hate thinking about what would have happened if I would have sought alternative treatments right away.

I started seeing a chiropractor and after 3 visits got my eye blinking.

It was a HUGE success and I was so thankful to him.

He made it so I could wear eye make up again and no more goopy, watery eye ointment.

He helped me make a lot of progress, but then I started to plateau in my treatment so it was time to try something new.

This time was a new chiropractor who did acupuncture.

I didn’t see much improvement with that so again I moved on.

I heard about this energy healer that had done amazing things for people so I thought I would give it a try.

She was an incredible person and the whole experience was pretty cool and eye opening, but again saw no improvements.

It was kind of a bummer and at this point I thought I had tried everything.

From doctors, chiropractors, medicine, supplements, acupuncture, massage, to essential oils.

I thought I had done it all.

Then Jared had heard about a plastic surgeon in SLC that had treated bell’s palsy patients with Botox.

I decided to that I needed to try everything so I went to meet with him to see what he could do.

After talking with him he diagnosed me with Synkinesis.

I’ll give you an official definition from Wiki:

Synkinesis is the result from miswiring of nerves after trauma. This result is manifested through involuntary muscular movements accompanying voluntary movements. For example, voluntary smiling will induce an involuntary contraction of the eye muscles causing the eye to squint when the subject smiles

Yep, this is what I have.

The nerves have healed from the Bell’s, but they have healed WRONG.

So now the nerve that is suppose to control my smile is also hooked to the nerve for my eye, so pretty much it is a huge mess.

He recommended that I see a physical therapist along with Botox.

I decided that I would see the physical therapist and see what she thought of the Botox.

I started seeing her this past August and have been doing facial exercises ever since.

She wants me to wait on the Botox, but thinks it could be helpful to me after we complete the therapy.

It is a tedious job every night to do these exercises, but I’m actually seeing results.

Small results, but results.

I’m not sure how far the physical therapy will take me, but I know my face has come a long way and for that I’m so GRATEFUL.

I think it is an ongoing process of accepting my new face.

I think I’m doing okay until I see a candid photo of me in the middle of laughing or talking and it is a hard pill to swallow.

If I know a photo is coming I can prepare for it, it’s the ones that are unexpected that can shock me back into reality of what I really look like.

The hardest part is knowing that my kids will only know this face, this smile, but that’s the one thing that is making me work hard at coming to terms with all of this.

My kids need to see me smile no matter what it looks like.

My journey with bell’s isn’t over yet and hopefully one day when all my resources are exhausted I can recognize that this is me.

The me that will be with me longer than the old me.